Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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