The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
