And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
