so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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