I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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