I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
