apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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