1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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