In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
