rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
