This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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