I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
