i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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