his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
