You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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