we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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