Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
