She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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