I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
