Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
