Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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