he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
