im about as happy as oj after his trial
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
