you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
