so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
