A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
