My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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