so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
