I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
