and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
