You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
