just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
