So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
