i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
