Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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