STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
