OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
