If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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