i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
