Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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