So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
