So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
