Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
