is your mom at the bar?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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