haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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