I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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