I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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