you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
