Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They took my balls.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
