You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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