apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My balls are so social today.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
