Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize