What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
