I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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