I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
