i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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