Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
