So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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