she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
