Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
