Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
