I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
