is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize