smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
