How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize