I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
