So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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